On extending GRACE to an abuser:

Grace - giving favor to someone who hasn’t earned it/doesn’t deserve it.

We are called to show grace to the repentant sinner. Why? It releases him from the judgment and guilt and condemnation experienced by his behavior. This is loving and kind. 

We are not called to show grace to the unrepentant sinner. Why not? Because it does not release him from the judgment and guilt and condemnation bc he does not believe he is guilty, nor judged nor condemned. If he does not believe he is guilty, he will continue to behave in the same manner, since he has no reason to stop. Showing grace is actually impossible but giving him favor is bewildering... why give favor to a person who knowingly chooses sinful behavior?

Showing favor to a person who knowingly chooses sinful behavior over and over and over is not loving to anyone. If the sinful behavior hurts others, you are empowering the person to hurt others. This is unloving and disobedient to God’s heart. 

If a murderer went out and killed a little girl, we don’t say, well he is a sinner like everyone else, show “grace,” remove all guilt and consequences. 

If a murderer is truly repentant, we may show favor through forgiveness and possibly mercy somewhere, but there are still consequences to his behavior. 

If a serial killer and a one time thief who stole bread bc he was hungry are in a duel of righteousness, you don’t level them both to the same level bc they both “sinned.” If the serial killer refused to acknowledge or apologize, but the thief was heartbroken and embarrassed and truly sorry, it would be bewildering for a court to show favor to the murderer and release him from all guilt, while condemning the thief and further punishing him for his crime. 

Showing favor to the unrepentant or attempting to remain neutral for the sake of peace or unity among Christians is not Authentic Peace, it’s lack of conflict, and there’s a big difference. It’s irresponsible. 

I see this over and over from people working with an abuser. Grace is an incredible gift and one we should extend... but one we should extend wisely. 

Showing favor or grace to an abuser (one who has a clear pattern of abusing power & control) also reveals an appalling lack of value for the abused. For the life of me, I do not understand how so many - church leaders, friends, family, etc - are unwilling to protect the abused and are so quick to judge them without grace and mercy to these individuals, but quick to give it to the abuser.

You can’t actually give grace to someone who simply takes it because (s)he feels already entitled to it.